We’ve all seen the you tube video, right? The one with that poor lady who took her kids to an Obama rally and was so happy to think that Obama will keep her secure financially. She tells how now she won’t have to worry about paying her mortgage or putting gas in her car. It’s all taken care of now! Oh, boy! President Obama saves the world! Just like he promised! Whoohoo! We are all getting free stuff! Hooray!
The day after, the day after the election, not the day after ( I was too depressed and fightened and had been up until 5 AM and not because I was celebrating either!) I went in to work and commented that I really shouldn’t be there. I should have stayed home. After all, my free crap might come and I might miss it or something. Is it coming Fed Ex? UPS? Do I have to sign for it? What if it comes and I’m not there? Is Obama himself stopping by, in person, like when he visited Joe the plumber, to deliver it? Will Obama or (God forbid) MEchelle copy Santa (like they copy everyone else) and come down the chimney (if I had a chimney) with all my stuff? I surely want to make sure I get everything that was promised to me by Obama. We all know he keeps his promises, right?
Does anyone have all the particulars on the stuff? Do we get to specify what color? If it’s a car, do I get to choose the color, heated seats, cruise control, AC, leather seats, etc.? Will they call us to set up delivery, or is it a surprise? Wow. Just like with all that is Obama, we know so little of the details! The good news is that after days of sitting at work and wondering if I might miss my free stuff while I was away, I realized there was nothing to worry about. Duh! We have to wait until after Inauguration Day! Of course. Silly me. I’ll make sure to take off of work from 1/21/09 on. Don’t worry. 1/20/09 is for celebrating so we can be sure there will be no free stuff that day! After all, it’s historic!
I am very excited about having a Unicorn. I’ve been wondering if I can afford to feed it, but then my coworker pointed out to me that of course a lifetime supply of magical unicorn food will come with it. Yet another coworker informed us that Unicorns don’t need food being that they’re magical and all. Oh, of course. What are we thinking? This is going to be so exciting! I will have a Unicorn and I won’t have to work anymore! At first, I thought, well maybe I should work part time so I can still get the benefits. You gotta have health insurance! Well, once again, I am having trouble adjusting to reality. Obama is giving us all free health care! Whoo hoo! I really need to focus on this new reality. It’s going to be like Christmas all over again!
The Unicorn will be cool and all, but maybe I should write to Obama first. I am thinking that maybe I’d be better served if I can trade in the Unicorn for a private jet. That would be cool and probably more helpful for me. I think I’m open to the new car. Plus, I’ll have to make sure Obama knows that not only would I like having my mortgage paid off, I prefer a new, more spacious house!
I am going to send a letter to Obama, just to get it right. Obama may be the world’s savior, but I don’t know if he can read minds. Here’s what I need to let him know:
Dear President Soetoro,
Can I call you Barry? Well, Barry, I am writing to inquire the details of the soon to arrive free crap I’ve been waiting for. First off, the Unicorn. That is a really great gift and I hope you won’t find me to seem ungrateful, but I would rather have a personal jet with a pilot at my beckon call. There are places I have to go and people I need to see. Now, if it’s possible to get a private jet and a unicorn I could go for that. Either way, throw in the jet! I want everything cool that I am entitled to, just like you and Caroline Kennedy get. I’m open to a Senate seat, too, just to let you know. I guess you only have so many of those so it must be first come, first serve on that one! I sure do hope mine is the first request. Can I also decide who I’ll replace in the Senate? If Al Franken wins Minnesota, I’ll take his seat. I guess I wouldn’t mind being President either. That personal jet plane would come with that automatically! Can I just have your seat in the Oval office instead of the senate seat? If so, give the Franken seat to Norm Coleman please. I guess Franken is in the lead as of today. Another thing I hope you can give me is for my vote to count for something. It used to, or so I thought, but no longer seems to matter. I want it to matter again. My next wish isn’t just for me, it’s for all Americans. Can you make sure to give them the gift or intelligence and common sense? I sure don’t want to see them be as uninformed as they were in this election, ever agian! No way! You know, now that I think about it, can you give Hillary the Presidency, instead of me? She would be fabulous! You know what else I want, Barry? If I have to have you as President, can you throw MEchelle out on the front lawn of the whitehouse, with all of her bags packed? I would enjoy that tremendously! I really do want a new car. If you can swing it, I’d like to have 2. That way I can drive a cool sportcar, but still have the other vehicle for driving the kids around town. I’m realizing that not too many of these things I’ve asked for cost money, unless you can pay to play for that Senate seat! Maybe just give me a swiss bank account and keep the deposits flowing. That would save you alot of grief if all Americans just go get their free stuff themselves. It would stimulate the economy, too! Is that your economic plan? Well, that is just pure genious, Barry! Sadly, I have to request a new boyfriend, too. Mine got on the hopey-changey bus and I haven’t seen or spoken to him since! Well, Barry, here’s my list in a nutshell:
New House
New Car
A vote that counts
Presidency of the United States (or a lowly senate seat)
Hillary as President (If that is confusing for you, just give POTUS to me, I’ll make Hillary VP and then I’ll step down)
Intelligence for all Americans
Common sense for all Americans
Mechelle out on her ass
New boyfriend ( a PUMA voter to be specific)
private jet (or Air Force One)
Unlimited Swiss Bank Account
Unicorn
Clarification on the details of the free crap.
That last one is just so I don’t screw this up. I’ve never had access to unlimited free stuff from my Government before so I’m not really sure what to do. If this is your economic plan, to have all Americans use their unlimited bank account to stimulate the economy, I can do that, but I’m not really sure where to go get my free Unicorn! Let me know. Thanks!
P. S. As I need more stuff, I’ll send a new list and just as soon as my Unicorn arrives, I’ll admit that I was wrong about you!
With Love,
Baddemocrat08
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